81 bikinis

The clients are not at home but rather, at their summer residence in Martha’s Vineyard. It is mid-June, the start to the summer season. The clients moved into a gorgeous multi-million dollar home a few weeks ago. After only a few days of living there, school was out. The clients packed up their adorable two little girls, family pup Skipper (of course his name is Skipper) and they left in their brand new white Range Rover for a summer in Martha’s Vineyard.

I arrive at the house, at the end of a cul-de-sac, fifteen minutes early. I wait for my colleague, Sloan. We always enter the clients residences together, as a team.

Sloan pulls up in her electric light blue Mustang and waves with a big smile. We grab our large LL Bean totes that hold all of our supplies and our reusable small LuluLemon shopping bags that hold our lunches. We walk to the front door. We have the code to enter the home.

We are professional home organizers. We are, glorified cleaning ladies. We have MBA’s and Masters degrees. Our own children went off to college and we had time to fill. Here we are. We see the inner workings of the homes of high net-worth individuals, the ultra-rich, and, some not so wealthy individuals. Every home is different. Every family is unique. Every job is a story…and then some. 

Even when the clients are not home, we try to whisper. Ring cameras are prevalent. Would anyone ever sit and listen to eight hours of recordings?  Who knows. We still do not chance it. Usually.

We always laugh when we reminisce about our former colleague, Casey. Casey was fired early on. She chewed gum and she was loud. Casey was working for a client whose husband had lost a lot of weight. Not Ozempic weight. This was pre-Ozempic. The client caught Casey holding a very large pair of jeans, squealing “Who the hell fits into these jeans?!”  Bye-bye, Casey.

Boxes and boxes of product await us in the foyer. We tend to overbuy and then return, when needed. We stare at the piles of boxes from The Container Store and Amazon. The Container Store is our mecca. We were extremely conerned when the whispers of bankruptcy were floating in the ether. Truth be told, Walmart has fantastic organizing products and, at a much better prices.

Hundreds of black velvet hangers, dozens of clear plastic bins of all shapes and sizes, drawer dividers, shoe boxes. We always try to use everything that we purchase for a job. We make it work. Returns are a nuisance.

We scope out the residence. Indoor pool. The garage holds two exotic cars.  A Lamborghini and an Audi R8. I text a photo to my husband and my sons. They are car enthusiasts.

There are framed photos of a perfect, blonde family highlighting the walls. Smiles abound. Even Skipper, the golden retriever, is smiling in the photos. Good boy, Skipper.

We are tasked with organizing the his and her primary closets. Sloan and I begin hauling the product boxes upstairs to the primary bedroom. In haste, the clients threw their clothing - in no particular order - into their respective closets. It looks like a bomb went off in their closets. Oy. That is where we come in. They knew that we would soon arrive to organize, transform and beautify.

We decide to tackle the wife's closet first.  I start by sorting all of the hanging clothes. Tops first. I sort by sleeve length, then, by color. Tanks. Short sleeves. Long sleeves. I also separate the casual tops from the dressy tops. 

Sloan works on the jeans and pants. She sorts them all by style and color. Skinny jeans. Wide leg. Straight leg. Bootcut. White jeans, beige jeans, light blue jeans, medium blue jeans, dark blue jeans, grey jeans, black jeans. Mother, Agolde, Frame, Re/Done, all of the better brands are represented here. The jeans are folded the same way – into thirds. Sloan labels each shelf by jean style.

The Brother P Touch label maker is our best friend. All professional home organizers love the Brother P Touch. Get one. Sloan creates labels for each jean style and places the appropriate label centered on each shelf. The skinny jeans are placed on the lowest shelf, with their accompanying label.

Oh la la. There are several monogrammed Louis Vuitton bags. The Neverfull, the Pochette. We will showcase those. We decide to save one center shelf in her closet to display her luxe handbag collection.  We bought clear shelf dividers for this express purpose.

I find a treasure trove of bikinis in the light grey dresser. Bikinis of every color. Bikinis of every shape. They are thrown into three large drawers. Bikini tops. Bikini bottoms. It is a big mess.

I pull out every single bikini top and bottom. Onto the king size bed they go. How many bikinis are there?  Will I have enough room on the bed for all of them? We shall soon find out.

I begin sorting the bikinis. It is the matching game!  The hot pink top with the tiny white flowers goes with the hot pink bottoms with the tiny white flowers. A fancy gold Eres bikini top. Where are the gold Eres bottoms? Match found!

I start to wonder… if the client is in Martha’s Vineyard all summer, why are there so many bikinis here at this home?  I get that there is an indoor pool but…How many bikinis does she have in Martha’s Vineyard?